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Thursday, January 24

Positivity in Life (part 1)

I was on the bus back home and i suddenly just felt like i wanna blog about this - positivity in life. Was thinking about many happenings these years and yes, i stumbled upon this thought. title with a (part 1) because i'm just going to kick start a few thoughts and (part 2) with more solid info.

i think that life is bound to be faced with much challenges and adversity. Some people face problems with family, others with school and many others with relationship. there's no way we can weigh who's problem is bigger for even problem itself means different thing to different people. once or twice, i ever thought that being a Christian, life would be easier.

Really?
yet i was wrong. not that it is going to be easier in the sense that there wouldn't be any problems or falls or what not just because we have a heavenly Father who loves us so much (of course He loves us lah). We still faces challenges every now and then, loss, deaths, disappointments and you know the list would not end. However, the difference is that we are able to hope in this God of ours.

"For in you O Lord, i hope" - psalm 38:15
When Jesus lived on earth as man, He too faced many trials and to the degree of being crucified. Yet, He was in good spirit through out. He was able to do so because he places his hope in his Heavenly Father.

Placing your hope where?
"hope can make it lah"
"hope can pass lor."
"hope can strike lottery lah"
"hope arsenal will win lah"
probably some common sentences heard every now and then. so where are all these hopes place upon on or whom? well, undeniable that there are so many gods, idols around in this world we live..hoping in different gods. some just say, hoping that "some god" will accept their hope and help them. hah.

i used to say those sentences above too. i still do now tho. but the difference is, i know who to place my hope in. =) my hope is in Jesus.

i'm able to hope in Him because of His nature and His sovereignty.
His nature - love us more than anybody else, for He is love. Since He loves us so much through the act of sending his son to die for us on the cross, how would he not also freely give us all things? (romans 8:32)

His sovereignty - probably hard to touch on this for there are many viewpoints out there i know haha. no offense in anything that i say, but i know that my God is sovereign. He has the final say in all things. Happenings always closes off with His final says.

so given just these two characters of God, i am so convinced my hope in Him is right.
just to share one illustration, out of my own life context...

I didn't do well for my past 3 sems. CAP score of 2.96 (currently) and kinda far fetch from what MOE has asked me to fulfill which is 3.5. They could terminate me if they think i'm not up to the mark. Consequences would be to pay back more than what i've received from them so far.

Yet i hope in the Lord that He has already plans for me. Whether or not i would be still on the scholarship, He has the final say. when i say i hope in Him, it means whether or not i'm still on the award, He has already a best and perfect plan lay out for me.

people who does not have hope in somebody, or hope in somebody they don't know they can trust or not, they will not be able to live a life with positivism. yet i know somebody can say that its all just "positive thinking" and nothing to do with hope. Oh well, its hard to explain. Maybe the only difference is..

being optimistic - you ain't sure what is ahead, but you'll just try and make it.
hoping in the lord - you ain't sure what is ahead, but God has a plan for you already. you just got to flow along with it.

shall continue more in part two. i think i've more to say, more to share still.

my hope is in the Lord. what about you? =)

Heli Dont ask me why 4:52 PM

Friday, January 18

Fey

oh well.. i guess i haven't officially intro Fey into my blog. This is Fey. =)

Since..?
let me see. we all started to hang out with each other since.. 2002 dec (i think..) when most of us were involved in the orientation! it was a period of "seoul garden" days i remembered. when youcai would always say he didn't take breakfast, lunch and dinner... so seoul garden meal is 3-in-1 de. and CK would sometimes kana diarrhoea from eating seoul garden (i rmb once after our own cny seoul garden @ orchard he went back home kana diarrhoea lol)

days of walking down orchard road. catching shows. talk about racist jokes. and my favourite! -- playing blind cat (last time i always say wrongly "3 blind mice" game =P) haha. below is a picture of us at the playground (near hougang green)

we were then.. sec 2, 3, 4s..and jc1. haha. yes the unique and something i feel proud about is that our fey is a mixture of different age groups! even in the same age groups, we are of different class. yet we can stay close for so long haha.

next favourite thing fey likes to do is to.. tawn at my house. its quite strange though. because when they come to my house, mos of the time they will be just in my room. and my room doesn't have tv or any fascinating thing (other than my bed which is Cass's favourite)...

ya that's jinglin, cass and yingxian on my bed. hah.

they just like to stay in my house. recently, they have come out with a policy (triggered off by yingxian) - the "own time own target" policy. it begun when they decided to come my house without asking my permission first and take it for granted that sure can come one. haha. not bad ah.

and yes we still do celebrate each other's bday. the recent one was of course jinglin's 21st! we blew 400 HUNDRED BALLOONS filling up her room lei. wasn't an easy task ok! Hanting (jinglin's bf), CK and me do up the balloons one! (i know cass is going to complain how come i never mention her lol.)

this picture only shows the half-filled one ok. can you imagine another 200 balloons inside the room?

and this is her 21st bday cake. haha. thanks to yingxian who chose the design. SHE LAN. lol. but the cake was really fantastic. durian cake ok! super nice la. we finished like 3/4 of it. oh btw its not just the few of us and the family at the party.. her poly friends, uni friends, ex-xms friends, fey and her family!

yup yup. tho not all of us meet up now.. oh well i guess 10 years down the road.. there will still be fey.. still will have some of us hanging out.. still want to come my house and play. thank God for this group of friends. Life will be dull without them. haha.

Fey-ship never ends. =)

Heli Dont ask me why 7:13 PM

Friday, January 11

2007... - a roller coaster divided year.

i remembered sharing with the cell in June 07 that i dreamt of a roller coaster - not those complex one but just a inverted U-shape coaster track. It appeared to me then as an idea of what i'm going through in the first half of 07 and what i would expect in later half of 07. True enough, it was just like what i dreamt.

First half of 07...
It was occupied with counselling sessions, going to healing rooms, a lot of self-reflections and disappointments, and further deeper reflections that i could not bring it out to share to many. Many tearing nights here and there, internal hurts that i brought upon myself each time thoughts came to my mind. I remembered during one of the healing room visit, one of the lady saw a fish out of a fish tank - to me it implied a breathless situation. another visit, they saw a crying baby. Yup... it was all just like a ride up the roller coaster, when you edge towards the peak of the roller coaster you draw in all the air you could till no more and do not let out any scream yet.

Later half of 07...
So i shared with the girls in cell then that i admitted first half of 07 as very bad. But i had a feeling and i believed that it will be different in later part of the year. I realised i share more issues, finally letting go some of my strongholds bit by bit... it wasn't at all "breathless" i guess. There were in fact more joyful days and i found myself kind of enjoying a little of 07. Thank God for His assurance in June.

What have i learn?
Yet experience can all be just very thrilling but i do not wish to end off my just as that. I want to learn and ask God what He is teaching me. I guess i have not fully learn anything concrete but its all just like modules after modules till you get a degree. I'm learning parts by parts. Dealing with inner issues - contentment and jealousy were the hardest.. but i'm determined to master it.

I also learnt about my dreams. I always have weird and unique dreams since sept 06 during the 24-365 prayer week. With the sincere and inner desire to ask God for something, He would grant me it. Psalms 20:4 "He will grant you your heart's desire". Possibility of dreaming of verses has always been something i ponder about often..and yes i realised it is possible! It is a whole new understanding to me because it can be used as an intercession tool for God!

Crash?

Ya had a little crash at end of 07 - my results. I asked for a miracle - and i must admit is those kind that you know you won't do well but just hope that God will just transformed the grades. Ha. I learnt that while God is a gracious and almighty God (i'm sure if He wants to give me straight As He can), yet He is a righteous and just God - Proverbs 2:9.

Why proverbs 2:9?
I felt totally torn when i saw the CAP score as 2.9 again. 3 times i have been seeing that number. I thought i would hate that number forever and nothing could get into my head then but just numerous "why". Effort and time and scarifice put in was tripled what i've previously done for my other exams.. yet why God a 2.9 again? So when i told Jie, she asked, "wah how come so zun. maybe you can see whats proverbs 2:9? what is God teaching you?"

"Then you will understand what is right and just and fair - every good path." - Prov 2:9

I learnt that God is a God of miracle and a Father who answers prayer. And above all, He is also a righteous and just God. What a whole new understanding about Him! After i cooled off my emotions and as i really sat down and think properly, looking at my grades.. indeed all my prayers has been answered fairly. (don't want to go into details, can always ask me if you want to know).

...2008 - a year of hope.

so thank God for the message on hope by Uncle Daniel. With this hope i could enter 08. In fact.. i hope into 2008. And yes this blogskin (current) is my verse for the year. Talk about my 08 some other day. It would be another long entry. =)

Heli Dont ask me why 10:18 AM

Monday, January 7

First post of the year 2008.

Finally do up a new blogskin. Thought that would inspire me to blog more often. Couldn't blog anything with the previous background.

Well, new blogskin marks a new chapter to what i'm going to share in 2008. I'm quite excited about it actually - to ponder about what kind of posts i will churn out. I want this page to turn into a living testimony reflecting God's glory and power. Really.

In addition, i hope whatever i post will be a comfort sometimes to people who read, perhaps add a little warm to the (probably) certain cold days of yours.. oh well.. i just hope this will be a comfortable page where you can just sink into easily. That's of course with the help of His presence in my blog. =)

Heli Dont ask me why 11:20 PM

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